You've Been In Japan Too Long When...
.you notice you've forgotten how to tie shoelaces.
...you rush onto an escalator, and just stand there.
...you find yourself bowing while you talk on the phone.
...you think US$17 isn't such a bad price for a new paperback.
...you don't hesitate to put a $10 note into a vending machine.
...when you are talking on the telephone to your parents and your father says, "Why are you interrupting my explanation with grunts?"
...you see a gaijin get on the train and think "Wow, it's a gaijin!"
...you start thinking can coffee tastes good.
...you have trouble figuring out how many syllables there really are in words like 'building'.
...when you wait for the first day of summer to wear short sleeve dress shirts.
...when the first option you buy for your car is a TV set.
...you don't think it unusual for a truck to play "It's a Small World" when backing up.
...you really enjoy corn soup with your Big Mac.
...you think the opposite of red is white.
...you leave your expensive bottle of Royal Salute with a sleazy barkeeper and don't worry.
...you can listen to the ads in FEN without falling around the floor laughing.
...you pore over the jikokuhyo looking for ways to avoid riding the Shinkansen.
...you appear for your first skiing lesson with brand new Rossignol high performance racing skis and an aerodynamic racing suit with color matched goggles. And then snowplow down.
...you buy a potato-and-strawberry sandwich for lunch without cringing.
...when you squat waiting for a bus to come.
...you phone an English-speaking gaijin friend and somehow can't bring yourself to get to the point for the first 3 minutes of the conversation.
...you stop enjoying telling newcomers to Japan 'all about Japan'.
...you remember non-wanman buses in the Tokyo area.
...you think 360 yen per dollar is a reasonable exchange rate.
...you automatically remember all of your important year dates in Showa numbers.
...you think every foreign movie title contains the word 'love.'
...people stop complementing you on your Japanese, and start asking you where you had your nose and eyes done.
...you still remember your first drive in your brand new Toyopet.
...you wonder why Prince Akihito is already getting grey hair, and why you don't see much of the Emperor these days.
...you think Masako is beautiful and Hillary is cute.
...you spend all your time trying to think of reasons why you've been Too Long in Japan.
...you noticed 7-11 changed its onigiri wrapping houshiki for the 3rd time.
...you find a beautiful way to eat natto.
...you are not worried about speeding in the rain, because you know the cops are only out there in good weather.
...you think birds cry.
...you think "English literature major" is a polite way to say peanut brained bimbo.
...you are not surprised to wake up in the morning and find that the woman who stayed over last night has completely cleaned your apartment, even though you'll probably never ever meet her again.
...you get blasted by a political speaker truck and think "sho ga nai.."
...you think its cool to stand in the "Japanese only" queue at Narita Immigration.
...you go to New Zealand and consider traveling around by train.
...you develop a liking for green tea flavored ice cream.
...your talking to your mother on the phone, and she asks you what "genki" means.
...you think the best part of TV are the commercials.
...you think wet umbrellas need condoms.
.. your mother talks about "you foreigners."
...your children call you Otosan/Okasan.
...matter of fact, you've never even been skiing, but the rack looks great on the car...
...you have mastered the art of simultaneous bowing and hand- shaking.
...when you think it's alright to stick your head into a stranger's apartment to see if anybody's home.
...your top is thinning and you consider it "barcode style".
...when you find nothing unusual in a television commercial for candy in which a model dressed in a high school girl's uniform comes up behind another model dressed in a high school girl's uniform, grabs her left breast, gives a devilish grin, and skips away.
...you think the natural location for a beer garden is on a roof.
...you think that you can impress foreigners by drinking Budweiser.
...you ride a Honda Cub with a sidecar.
...you think nothing about seeing 20 ads for women's' sanitary napkins during one movie.
...you have run out of snappy comebacks to compliments about your chopstick skills.
...you think "white pills, blue pills, and pink powder" is an adequate answer to the question "What are you giving me, doctor?".
...you remember when Yamamoto Linda came on at the very end of the show (NHK's Yume de aimashou) and kept her mouth shut.
...you have discovered the sexual attraction of high school navy uniforms.
...when you no longer find anything unusual in the concept of "Vermont curry".
...you think 4 layers of wrapping is reasonable for a simple piece of merchandise.
...you don't find anything strange about a city that puts a life sized, red-and-white painted Eiffel tower imitation in its centre, as well as a scale model of the Versaille Palace for its Crown Prince.
...you are only slightly puzzled by "Melty Kiss."
...a new Gaijin moves to your neighborhood and you know immediately you will get his mail for a while.
...you think the meaning of a red traffic light is: "Hurry up! 10 cars now in quick succession, and then we'll think about slowing down."
...when you get on a train with a number of gaijin on it and you feel uneasy because the harmony is broken.
...you ask fellow foreigners the all-important question "How long have you been here?" in order to be able to properly categorize them.
...when looking out the window of your office, you think "Wow, so many trees!" instead of "Wow, so much concrete!"
...when you find yourself thinking "great it's almost time for Paul Harvey, have to turn on the radio."
...you think NHK is "the Japanese BBC".
...you think curry rice is food.
...the Yakult lady knows you by name.
...you think it is quite OK to play volleyball with 12 people per team.
...when in the middle of nowhere, totally surrounded by rice fields and abundant nature, you aren't surprised to find a drink vending machine with no visible means of a power supply...
...and when you think nothing of it when that lonely vending machine says 'thank you' after you buy a coke.
...you stand before a sign on a bridge and ponder the possible meanings of "Bridge Freezes Before Road."
...it takes fifteen seconds of deep thought to recall the first name of the President of the United States.
...you have a favorite bush to pee behind.
...the TV commercials make sense to you.
...a non-Japanese sits down next to you on the train and you get up and move. You're not prejudiced, but who knows what they might do?
...you are outwardly appalled to see someone pour miso shiru over rice, but do it in private yourself (neko meshi).
...when having gaijin around you is a source of stress.
....you only have 73 transparent, plastic umbrellas in your entrance because you have donated 27 to the JR and various taxi companies in the past few months.
...you have over 100 small, transparent plastic umbrellas in your entrance even *after* donating 27 of them to taxis and JR recently.
...you realize it's perfectly reasonable for the Post Office to designate you as the local redistribution agent for all letters addressed in yokomoji.
...when you absolutely do not possess the ability to mispronounce Japanese words "like a non-Japanese would."
...when you pay over 6000 yen for a lipstick and realize a few days later how much you really spent. (Or yen 7000 for a Captain Santa T-shirt)
...when your arguing with someone about the color of the traffic light being blue or green...and you think it's blue.
...you think that, in a crowd of Japanese, the presence of another foreigner breaks the "wa," although for some reason your presence doesn't.
...you are proud of yourself for beating the system by buying a case of Labbatt's Blue for 160 yen a can.
...you can't have your picture taken without your fingers forming the peace sign.
...you think rice imports should be prohibited, because Japanese consumers would never buy imported rice.
...when you forget how to spell simple words like "wear"
...when you think one kind of rice tastes better than another kind.
...when you rush home from work to catch the last few minutes of sumo.
...you get a "Nihongo ga joozu" and feel really insulted.
...you see a road with two lanes going in the same direction and assume the one on the left is meant for parking.
...when you think japan actually has only four seasons
...when you pull out your ruler to underline words.
. ..when getting ready for a trip you automatically calculate for omiyage and you leave just the right amount of space in your suitcase for them.
...you manage *yankii-zuwari* without anything propping up your heels.
...not only do you overcome your childhood training and spit out the mikan membranes, but you discover the knack of peeling the mikan so that the peel forms a neat receptacle for you to spit the membranes into.
...you watch the grocer's with interest to see when the price of mikans will break.
...on a cold autumn night, the only thing you want for dinner is nabe and nihonshu.
...you return the bow from the cash machine.
...you can't find the "open" and "close" buttons in the elevator because they're in English.
...when you think children should have to walk around in the freezing cold with only short sleeves and shorts up to their butt (to make them strong!).
...when you think that coffee goes perfectly well with squid pizza.
...when the Christmas music in the stores does not make you feel at all sentimental like it used to.
...you can do arithmetic using man, oku, cho. and kei.
...you sympathize with your Japanese student because her daughter is baka because she wears spring tops with winter skirts and you sit down to try and see what can be done about this wild child.
...you count things with chuu chuu tako kai na.
...you can't read your kids the Three Little Pigs without giggling when you get the part about "Not by the hair of chinny chin chin."
...you bow to other drivers who give you the right of way.
...you mention "Japan Times" and "objective" in one sentence...
...you fully understand the concept of "cuteness"
...you look forward to the porno reviews at midnight on Fuji TV.
...when you believe that the perfect side dish to eat with a juicy, deep-fried pork chop is a pile of raw, tasteless, shredded cabbage.
... it doesn't surprise you that a case of beer has the same per unit price as a single can.
... you think cod roe spaghetti with chilled red wine is a typical Italian dish.
..."natsukashii" comes out of your mouth instead of "what you're saying makes me so nostalgic that I must look like one of those wide- eyed manga characters with a tear rolling out of my eye."
...you start to recognize BGM as a meaningful genre of music.
...walking into a crowded bar full of non-Japanese makes you nervous, because they "look dangerous." (This was passed on to me second- hand, I'm not that far gone, yet.)
...you buy a Christmas cake on Christmas eve.
...you walk to the local seven eleven in your wife's shoes.
...you run for the Yamanote line pushing people left and right, jump on the train holding the doors open to let your bag follow you on. Because you know there will not be another one for at least a minute.
...you no longer pay any attention to what anyone does when you sit down beside them on a train.
...when you accompany your "no" by the famous waving hand-in- front-of-nose.
...when it all seems normal.
...when you're impressed with a girl with a 94 cm bust (work it out !).
...when you write or phone home and say things like "In Japan we..."
...you find yourself apologizing at least three times per conversation.
...when you let your car idle for half an hour while you go shopping.
...you find your self asking all your foreign acquaintances what their blood types are.
...you find yourself practicing golf swings with your umbrella on the train platform.
...you take practice golf swings on the train platform *without* an umbrella in your hand.
...you buy an individually wrapped potato in the supermarket.
...you think that "Lets SPORTS yOUNG gAY CluB" is a perfectly normal T shirt logo for a middle aged lady.
...you have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.
...you order a "bottle of draft" in a pub.
...you are speaking in English but all references to money come out in Japanese.
...you go to a book shop with the full intention to read all the interesting magazines and put them back on the shelf.
...you're careful to specify a nonsmoking seat on the flight from Denver to St. Louis.
...when you ignore other gaijin in trains like they're plague carriers.
...when you forget to hit the bilingual switch while watching Clinton on the TV.
...you schedule your commute around the availability of seats on the train.
...you think Bosozoku are dangerous.
...you think sushi at a baseball game is perfectly normal (also applies to "too long in California").
...your idea of a larger home is an extra 10 square meters.
...you leave your office mid-morning and go to a coffee shop in order to get some work done.
...you go for a drink with friends back home and start pouring everybody's beer.
...your sister starts making pointed comments about your American spelling.
...when you vow to gambaru before every little activity you engage in.
...you pull up at a gas station and wait for a bunch of Norman Rockwell type attendants to jump out and clean your windshield.
...when you say that one of your hobbies is "doraibu."
...when you stupidly wait for a kampai at a gaijin party
...you think no car is complete without a tissue box on the rear shelf and a feather duster in the trunk.
...you ask a gaijin colleague who wears short sleeves in October, "Aren't you cold?"
...lunch is yesterday's leftovers out of a Hello Kitty bento box.
...when when you draw a sharp distinction between "English" and "English conversation."
...you use the "slasher hand" and continuous bowing to make your way through a crowd.
...all of your December Sundays is reserved for Bonenkai hangover recovery.
...you are disappointed when Dominoes doesn't have corn pizza, and the driver is disappointed when you forget the tip.
...you glance at the clock and accurately predict the next line of dialog in the TV dorama.
...you feel an irresistible urge to point your windshield wipers outwards when you park your car in a ski resort.
...you go to a coffee shop in your home country and order "American coffee."
...you put eleven 10 yen coins in the vending machine before you notice it's sold out.
...you see some real cleavage and think WOW!
...you buy tickets to a Tigers' game and spend time practicing the cheers.
...you forget about July 4th, but get all worked up over Tanabata.
...it takes you three attempts to fill in a check correctly.
...you have to think about it to remember what a 'check' is.
...when you develop the fine sense of Japanese manners that prevents you from facing traffic when you take a leak outside (sorry ladies!).
...you enjoy drinking until you vomit (hey we have those over here !).
...you start shunning foreigners you meet far away from your metropolitan abode in Tokyo (they're probably not worth talking to).
...you remember when shouchu was not a chic drink drunk by high school girls, but rather one drunk under the railroad tracks by construction workers who never take off their haramaki.
...you remember when the average Japanese person under about 30 did not have a telephone.
...you remember when telephones were almost always placed near the front door and next to them was placed a little box or jar to receive 10 yen coins from people who stopped by to 'borrow' your phone.
...you remember when public telephones had just been put out on the street that could be used for out-of-city calls as well as inside the city, and had a sign on them to indicate this new high-tech function.
...back in the states for a short visit you patiently wait outside your taxi for its door to spring open for you.
外国人が…
日本に長く居すぎた…と実感するとき
1.山手線のホームで人波を左右に押し分けながらかいくぐり、電車に飛び乗り、ドアが閉まらないように手で押さえ、その間にかばんを電車に引っ張りこむ。その理由が、少なくともあと2分は電車が来ないためだとわかっているとき
(外国では1時間にたった1本の電車が平気で遅れてくる。ひどいときは数日遅れる。)
2.ビルディングのような単語がいったい何音節あるかと思い悩むとき
(英語ではBuildingが「Build+ing」の2音節であるのに対して、日本語は「ビ・ル・ディ・ン・グ」の5音節であることから)
3.自動販売機
で、何のためらいもなく紙幣を入れるとき
(海外の自動販売機はお釣りがきっちり出てくる可能性は10分の1以下で、壊れている可能性は何十倍もあることから勇気がいる)
4.外国人が電車に乗っているのを見て、「わおっ、ガイジンがいるっ」と思うとき
5.初めてのスキーで、新品のロシニョールの高性能なスキー板を持ち、エアロダイナミックスなスキーウェアとそれに色のマッチしたゴーグルを装着して登場し、雪かきをしながら転げ落ちていくとき
6.選挙車のスピーカーから騒音・爆音をたれ流されても、「ショーガナイ」と思うとき
(欧米ではあれほどの騒音は違法なところが大半)
7.テレビ番組で一番いいのはコマーシャルだなと思うとき
8.抹茶アイスも悪くないなと思うようになったとき
9.信号の色のことで青か緑か揉めはじめ、あれは青だと思い始めるとき
(日本人は青と緑の区別がつかないと思っている人もいる)
10.写真撮影のときにピースサインをしてるとき
(日本人だけが老若男女でやけに好むポーズ)
11.ガソリンスタンドで車から降りもせず、集団で押し寄せてくる店員がフロントガラスを拭いているのを、当然のことのようにただ待っているとき
12.自分の国に帰ってから、みんなと飲みに行って、全員のビールを注ぎ始めるとき
(ビールを注いであげるなんてことはない)
13.家が10平方メートルでも広いと思うとき
(ほっとけ)
14.会社の窓の外の景色が「一面コンクリートだらけ!」の代わりに、「意外と緑もある」とか思いはじめるとき
15.鳥は なく "cry"ものだと思うとき
(英語では鳥は うたう "sing")
16.電話中にお辞儀している自分に気付くとき
17.自分の国に帰って、喫茶店で「アメリカン･コーヒー」を注文してしまうとき
18.母国の両親と電話中に父親に「どうしてぶつぶつと文句でこちらの話しをさえぎるのかね」と言われるとき
(日本人は相手の話しが終る前に話し始めることで有名)
19.母親と電話でしゃべっていると、「ゲンキってどういう意味?」と聞かれるとき
(電話でゲンキと返事する癖がついてしまっている)
20.トラックがバックするときに、童謡を流していてもおかしいと思わないとき
21.ビアガーデンが屋上にあっても不思議に思わなくなるとき
(海外ではガーデンと呼ぶくらいなので本当の庭でやります)
22.バドワイザーを飲んでいると外国人受けがいいんじゃないかと思うとき
(外国のビールも飲んでるよーと嬉しそうに強調しにくる日本人が多いらしい)
23.英文学専攻がバカ女を形容するときのオブラートに包んだ言い方だと思うとき
(英文学というと欧米ではシェークスピアなどの古典にも強く才女のイメージであるが、こちらで英文学科というとシェークスピアの一節も言える女が居ないらしい)
24.納豆の美しい食べ方をマスターしたとき
25.缶コーヒーがおいしいと思い始めるとき
26.車の最初のオプションがTVセットでも不思議に思わないとき
27.夏に半そでを着始める日付が決まってると思うとき
28.赤の反対は白なんだと思うとき
29.高級なウィスキーのボトルを安っぽいバーテンダー相手にキープして帰っても心配しなくなるとき
30.デザートだのフルーツだの独創的過ぎるものが、ランチのサンドイッチに入っていても別段驚かないとき
31.大事な年を平成や昭和の年号で覚え始めるとき
32.握手とお辞儀を同時にする芸術をマスターしたとき
33.人の家の玄関に頭だけ入れて留守かどうか確かめても大丈夫だと思うとき
34.医者から処方箋をもらうとき「これが白い錠剤、こちらが青い錠剤、これはピンクの粉末剤」と言う説明でもなんら不満に思わないとき
35.バーモントカレーという存在のコンセプトに疑問を抱かなくなったとき
36.どうでもよい商品に4重の包装紙が当たり前だと思うようになったとき
37.電車の同じ車両に外人数人で乗車すると調和がくずれるために落ち着かない気分になるとき
38.外国人の友人に必ず「日本滞在年数」を尋ねて種類分けし始めるとき
39.田んぼに囲まれた全く何もないとてつもないへんぴな場所で、飲み物の自販機を見つけても驚かず、電源がどこからきているのかも不思議に思わず、そのぽつんとした自販機がコーラを買ったあとにお礼を言ってくれることにも何も思わなくなったとき
（海外で人気のない場所の自販機は盗難にあって当然）
40.米の銘柄によって味が違うとか思い始めるとき
41.JRやタクシー会社に27本ほど寄付したあとでも、まだ玄関には透明傘が溢れかえってるとき
42.同方向に走る2車線道路では、左側は駐車場だと思うとき
43.ジューシーな最高の豚カツに一番合うのは、味もない千切りになった生のキャベツの山だと思い始めるとき
44.10月に半そでを着ている外人に向かって「寒くないの?」と聞き始めるとき
45.「ノー」を伝えるとき、鼻の上で手を左右に振るとき
46.店でクリスマスソングを聞いてもセンチメンタルな気分にならないとき
47.趣味は「ドライブ」と言い始めるとき
48.濡れた傘には店の入り口で配布しているコンドームが必要だと思うとき
49.12月の日曜日は全て忘年会の二日酔いの回復のために用意されていると思うとき
50.クリスマスイブにケーキを買い始めるようになったとき
（欧米ではケーキではなくクリスマス･プディングが主流）
51.吐くまで飲むのを楽しむとき
52.胸の谷間を見て、うわっとか思うとき
53.お昼の弁当は昨日の残りで、器がハローキティでも普通と思うとき
54.ビール1缶の値段が1ケースの値段と同じことがあっても不思議に思わないとき
(初めて知らない飲み屋に行くとショックを受けるのだと思われます)
55.一つの会話につき3回ずつ謝罪している自分に気付くとき
56.どんな小さな行為でも「がんばる」とか言い出すとき
57.片手チョップスタイルと連続お辞儀が混雑を通り抜ける手段だと思い始めるとき
58.買い物している間の30分間、車のエンジンをつけっぱなしにし始めるとき
59.外人の知り合いにまで血液型を聞き出すとき
60.｢英語」と「英会話」の細かい差を見出すとき
61.自国に帰ったときにタクシーのドアが開くまで待ってしまうとき
62.阪神タイガースの試合チケットを買って六甲おろしの練習をするとき
63.外人だけが集まるパーティで、誰かが乾杯を言うのを待ってしまうとき
64.本屋に雑誌を読むために行き、読むだけ読んだら棚に戻しても疑問に思わないとき
（海外の本屋は買うところで、立ち読みし放題ということがないのが普通）
65.1個だけの袋詰めされたジャガイモを買い始めたとき
66.旅行のスーツケースの半分をお土産のスペースに使い始めるとき
67.外人がいっぱいのバーに行って危険を感じるとき
68.単語にアンダーラインを引くのに定規を出すとき
69.日本の何もかもがノーマルに思えるとき
Please know NINJA culture still more through ≪NINJA LETTER≫.
The letter listed「The Code」,「The Discipline」and「The Charm」
written by Japanese NINJA and includes 「The Certificate of「NINJA DUTY」.
If you received NINJA LETTER from Japan, you had to inherit NINJA DUTY.
【 Via 】 ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓
ninja-letter-chikuwa.com
ninja-letter-chikuwa.com/icon.html
【 Link 】 ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓
http://the-official-ninja-duty.blogspot.com/
Follow us on Twitter
Stay updated on Facebook
No comments:
Post a Comment